Loooooooooong days

Hey everyone!  Once again, I find myself apologizing for my lack of updates.  This time I have a pretty good reason-a complete lack of time!  We're suddenly extremely short on volunteers, which means that we're all working a whole lot of hours.  Thirteen hours a day, in fact.  We get a whole bunch of new volunteers in about a week, though, so we'll be back to our regular hours pretty soon.  In the meantime, I'm sorry if you don't hear much from me.  I go to the nursery at 6 am, and leave at 7:30 pm or so, and I just don't make it to the computer at any point before or after that. 

 

To be honest, I'm really, really glad that Christmas is over.  Although it was fun, it was one of the longest, most stressful days I've had since I've been here.  Not only was I pretty darned homesick, it was also really busy.  Of course, in some ways, Christmas in the nursery was jus a normal day.  The babies still needed to eat, be bathed, and have their nappies changed.  The atmosphere, however, was anything but normal.  It's like the babies knew that it was a special day.  At about 10 am, all of the volunteers, babies, and toddlers all piled into the main nursery to open presents.  I have never seen more presents in my life.  There was a mountain of presents.  It took a couple of hours for the presents to be unwrapped…and then, of course, we had to sort through the gifts to find the nursery again!  Luckily, no babies were lost in the chaos!  A couple of the  volunteers took over kitchen duty as the normal house staff was on holiday, and they spent a lot of time cooking three wonderful meals for us.  Typically we all grab our food in the kitchen and work through all of our meals, but they held dinner till we were all able to sit down together and eat, and it was really very nice.  That said, I'll reiterate that I'm glad the holidays are over. 

 

We got a new baby last week.  She's from a different children's home, and she might be returning to that home after the holidays.  One very strange thing about South Africa is that pretty much everything closes over the holidays.  Strangely enough, even a lot of the children's homes close, so we often end up with some babies from the other homes.  Sihle is a six month old baby girl, and she came to us rather ill.  She is HIV positive, and has just started antiretroviral treatment.  She's not in good shape right now, but we're trying hard to help her get healthy.  This precious little girl looks at the world with eyes that hold a wisdom I've never seen in such a tiny little person.  Her life has been a struggle, and it shows.  We're trying hard to make that struggle easier for her, but we've still seen no hint of a smile.    

 

I missed all of you, my wonderful family and friends, particularly over the holidays.  Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.  Love and miss you all,

Amanda

I'm Terrible at Updates

Okay, I admit it.  I'm terrible at updating this blog.  No excuses, I'm just bad at it.  Good for you if you're still checking up on it, and let me know that you're still out there!  You probably all know this, but my email address is Amanda@tlc.org.za.  Drop me a line-I'd love to hear from you.

 

I'm guessing you all want to know what is going on in my life here at TLC.  To start with the day-to-day stuff, things are really good!  We have a nursery full of 42 babies, which ties the record high for TLC.  Baby boys "HH" and "GG" arrived today, and are now comfortably settled into the Nest.  We had a pretty significant bug go around last week, and although only a few of the babies got sick, it took out nearly all of the volunteers for at least a time.  There are 21 volunteers at the moment, and all but two got sick-not fun at all.  I spent the last two days either in bed or in the bathroom vomiting, but I'm now feeling better, and I'm headed back to work tomorrow.  It's funny how much I miss those babies when I'm out of the nursery for a few days!  On Tuesday, I was made the new Fledgie/Grub section leader.  The woman who proceeded me, Jennifer, is nearing the end of her year here at TLC, and I'm really excited that I was chosen as her replacement.  Although I'm just beginning to understand what my duties are, I'm looking forward to the added responsibility.  Here at TLC, the volunteers are in charge of almost all of the daily functioning of the nursery.  The office staff and the Jarvis family are in charge of the many other logistics of running TLC, and as section leader, it will be my job to be the connection between the office and the nursery.  Additionally, I'm the person who knows each of the babies in my section particularly, so that I can see that each baby is getting his or her individual needs met.  It's exciting and humbling to be trusted with this responsibility. 

 

It seems that lately, every time we've had a baby go home with his or her forever family, there has been a baby waiting to come into our nursery.  However, we have been told to expect change over the holidays.  In South Africa, the entire government shuts down for the holidays between mid-December and mid-January.  Because of this, we don't expect to complete any more adoptions this year, so we won't have any babies going out until the third week in January.  (We're hoping to get one more little girl out…keep your fingers crossed!  Unfortunately, it won't be Hannah.  She'll meet her family at the end of January.)  Babies don't stop coming in, however, so we're expecting between six and eight more babies before the courts re-open, which would bring us way over our current record of 42 babies.  Wish us luck, because we're not sure exactly how this is going to work!  On that note, I'm going to say a fond farewell.  I hope you're all enjoying your holiday season, and that you realize how lucky you are to have wonderful, Northern Hemisphere weather at Christmas time!  Love and miss you all,

Amanda

TLC: A Lesson in Losing Oneself

Babies are selfish.  It's just how they are.  They know very little, but they know when they want their bottle, and they don't care that it's someone else's turn to be fed before theirs.  They want to be held right now, not in ten minutes when the baby currently filling my arms has been comforted. And really, to some extent, isn't that how we all are?  I think one of the biggest lessons in growing up is learning how to put others before oneself.  It just doesn't come naturally to us.  We're intrinsically selfish beings, and it's a constant struggle to consider your own wants and needs and desires to be less important than those of others.  But one of the things that I've discovered in the funny, strange world that is TLC is that it's simply not possible to succeed here and be selfish at the same time.  Honestly, it's not.  When you're in the nursery, there are 42 babies, all convinced that their own needs and wants are the most important things in the world.  If there were 42 mommies here with them, that would be the case; the needs of their babies would take precedence over pretty much anything else.  But there are quite often six or eight or ten babies to every one caregiver in the nursery, and we clearly have to prioritize whose needs are most pressing. With so many babies, it's a constant battle to see that each of them not only gets their basic needs met, but that they're also getting stimulated and challenged and encouraged so that they can grow and develop.  They need that as much as they need food.  Baby Girl "R," who I mentioned in one of my last entries, is a great example of this.  She had her basic needs met when she was at the hospital.  She was fed, her nappy was changed, and she was warm and safe.  But she didn't have anything more than that, and she was beginning to fade away.  Have you ever seen someone with no sparkle in their eye?  Someone whose eyes just look empty?  To see a baby with empty eyes is heartbreaking.  It's so wrong, so fundamentally against the way it's supposed to be, that you can't help but be convicted.  But I look at her now, and my heart wants to rejoice because she's not just surviving here, she's thriving.  She's growing and changing and smiling and laughing.  She engages with the world around her.  She whimpers when you set her down, and will protest if she hasn't been cuddled enough, because now she's beginning to learn what she wants, and how to make her needs and wants known.

With 42 babies, each with their own unique set of pressing needs, who gets prioritized straight to the bottom of the list?  Yeah, I do.  Why?  Because I don't matter.  No, I'm not being self-deprecating.  I know that I'm needed here.  I know that the babies need someone here to take care of them.  But they don't need me.  When they cry, they're not crying for me.  They're crying for someone, and I happen to be the one here to pick them up.  When they're hungry, they don't need me to feed them.  They need someone to feed them, and it doesn't really matter who, as long as their needs are met. These tiny people have so very many needs, and behind every demand that they make for a need to be met is the most complete vulnerability you can imagine.  They literally cannot survive without us. What are my needs compared to the needs of these tiny people who are unable to take care of themselves?  The funny thing is that as soon as I am able to completely let go of myself, to divest myself of my sense of my own importance, I receive more back than I ever could have imagined.  Selflessness is a struggle, but on the rare occasion that I am able to truly devote myself selflessly to these babies, I find that the rewards are so much greater than I ever could have expected.  Why?  Because I wasn't expecting anything at all.  Babies don't say "thank you."  They don't tell you how grateful they are that you changed their dirty nappy.  They probably shriek while you wipe their snotty noses, and sometimes they cry through entire meals.  But it's all worth it when one of them smiles at you.  It's all worth it when you pick up the crying baby and the sound of your voice and the feel of your touch soothes it.  I get more back than I ever dreamed was possible-I am so blessed because I get the opportunity to love them.

Joy

Hannah has a family.  Those words brought tears to my eyes yesterday, and still when I think about it, I get goosebumps.  Hannah has a family.  You see, we didn't think Hannah would get a family.  We didn't think that this wonderful, feisty, curious, precious little girl would ever be adopted.  We didn't think that anyone would be able to see past her developmental delays to the Hannah that we see every day.  When you think of a child being adopted from TLC I'm sure you think of a tiny baby going home with their new parents, and quite often that is the case.  In fact, we got the wonderful news yesterday that three of our baby boys will be going home with their new families by the end of November.  It's wonderful that those parents will get to spend those early months with their child, but the children who are most in need of a mommy and a daddy are the older children, who often have special needs.  Hannah doesn't look good on paper.  She's nearly four years old, and she has some delays and special needs that will be with her for the rest of her life.  But when you meet Hannah you don't see any of that.  You see a child who has exceeded every expectation set for her, and not the milestones that she's missed.  You see a beautiful little girl with a twinkle in her eye, and not the scars on her face.  There is a family somewhere out there who has said that they want Hannah to be their daughter.  They have said that they will love her unconditionally, not matter what her issues.  They've never met her, and I can't wait till they see the smile on her face and they realize what an amazing blessing they have received.  We all know that when Hannah goes, she will leave a huge hole here at TLC.  I will miss her more than I can fathom.  She has a funny way of referring to herself in the third person, and I will miss hearing her say "What you doing to Hannah?"  when I tickle her, but my heart felt like it was lighter than air when I asked her this morning what her exciting news was.  She looked up at me and said "Hannah has a Daddy."  She, of course, has not idea what this actually means in her life.  To her, family is just a word.  For some reason, she's the most excited about getting a daddy, but she has not idea what that means.  And so we're excited for her.  Those of us who love her now are excited for the people who get the privilege of loving her for the rest of her life.  There is a bright future waiting for her, and I feel honored and blessed to have been a part of her past.  Praise God, Hannah has a family!

 

For those of you who are up to saying some prayers, I have a favor to ask.  In South Africa, the courts close from the end of November until the middle of January.  During this time, it's not possible to get a court date, and so no adoptions can be completed.  Hannah turns four in December, and of course we want her to be with her family for her birthday and for Christmas.  Can you please pray that we can get this little girl a court date before the courts close on the 21^st of November?  It would mean so much to me, and to Hannah.

Love and Blessings,

Amanda

New Pictures from Amanda

You were all waiting for this: The Babies

 

While I still haven't figured out how to get pictures sent home, I know you all want to hear some stories about our babies, and although I can't share the details of all of their stories or their names, I know you would all like to hear something about the little ones that I'm taking care of.  So here goes, some stories about our babies. 

 

In my last entry, I mentioned that Keagan and Eric found their forever families last week.  Within days of their departure for their new homes, we got three new babies, and the following week brought us four more, which brings us to a total of 41 babies at the moment!  The first was a newborn, baby boy "Z."  I think I've already mentioned this, but at the beginning of the year, Thea, the woman who started TLC, begins naming the babies who come in with the letter "A," both for boys and girls.  The second boy and girls of the year would have a name beginning with the letter "B" and so on.  Well, this newborn is our 26^th baby boy of the year, and thus has a name beginning with the letter "Z."  Baby "Z" was born to a young mother who was unable to care for him, and thus signed custody over to TLC so that we can find him a family.  When Thea went to the hospital to get him, his mother cried and cried about giving him up, and so the name that Thea gave to him means "tears."  He has settled into the Nest, and although he is a small newborn (around 6 1/2 lbs), he looks HUGE compared to some of our prem babies.  He's a beautiful baby, and it's such a pleasure to care for this precious little guy.  It's so amazing to know that I'll still be here when this guy is finally united with his family. 

 

The next two babies, baby girls "Q" and "R," came together.  (We were so excited to get girls-as you can tell, we've been overtaken by boys lately!)  We got a call from a social worker who said that they had two babies who had been abandoned at the hospital.  We were expecting a pair of newborns, but when Thea arrived she found that both girls were three months old.  They had been kept in the hospital since birth, while the police investigated their abandonment.  I find their story hard to imagine, but I want to share with you the little bit that we know about their time at the hospital.  The hospital that they came from is the largest in the Southern Hemisphere and, like most public hospitals around here, is appallingly understaffed and under-resourced.  Every day, over one hundred babies are born there, and there are only six nurses at any time.  There are only beds for a fraction of the babies and their mommies, so most are kept for only four hours after birth.  These girls were kept in the maternity ward for three months, and it's clear that no one had the time to properly look after them.  For some reason, Baby Girl Q appears to have come through that experience fairly unscathed.  It took only a few days for her to begin smiling at us, and she appears to be delighted to have someone to talk to her and interact with her.  Baby Girl R was not so fortunate.  When we got her back to the nursery and undressed her, we were honestly sickened by what we saw.  She was covered head to toe with a rash that we later found out was a fungal infection.  It would appear that she was rarely, if ever, bathed in the entire three months that she had been there.  Even worse, around her ankle was the same hospital band that had been put on her at birth.  She had obviously grown in three months, and it was so tight that when we cut it off, it tore the skin away too.  When she came she would stare blankly into space with these huge, wide eyes and absolutely no expression on her face.  It broke my heart, and I absolutely fell in love with this tiny little baby who has already experienced such a hard life.  We have spent a lot of time holding this little girl and talking to her and snuggling with her, and she is finally starting to wake up.  Her smiles are rare, but they absolutely brighten my day.  I cannot wait to see what a whole lot of love and attention will do for this little one. 

 

The four babies came in rapid succession.  First was baby boy "Aa" (you can all guess what his name is, right?).  He's a tiny preemie, and we don't know much about him yet, but we're delighted to have him.  Our second baby of last week was actually a toddler, who will keep the name he had before he came to us.  He is around two years old, although we don't know his exact age, as it appears that he was abandoned by his mother.  He came to us incredibly malnourished and speaking no English. (We think that he speaks Zulu, as he talks a lot in a language we don't understand!)  He's beginning to feel comfortable here at TLC, although it's understandably hard for him at times.  We will do our best to get his health problems under control, and then we will hopefully find him a forever family sometime soon.  In the meantime, he's getting lots of food and snuggles, which seem to be doing him a world of good.  The final two babies that came last week also came together.  Baby girls "S" and "T" were both extremely premature babies from the same hospital that baby girls "Q" and "R" came from.  They are 5 and 3 months old respectively, although each weighs no more than 4.5 lbs (the conversions from Metric to English are killing me!) Although baby girl "S" has faced and is facing some serious health problems, both appear to be doing well here, and have brought us to a nice even dozen in the Nest.  We have as many babies right now as TLC has ever had, and we're told that the numbers tend to climb around the holidays.  I can't even imagine!  Pictures will be added soon, so check back again for some incredibly adorable babies!  Love and miss you all,

Amanda